I was born yesterday. Today I am twenty and some number of months, but that does not matter. Of all the times that matter in a man’s life, right now matters the least, if it matters at all. I am constantly asked what I am going to do when I get out of school or what I did to get into school or what I had for breakfast or if I want to do something later tonight. Nobody asks why I’m doing what I’m doing when I’m doing it because it doesn’t matter. It mattered when it was the future and it will matter when it becomes the past, but when it’s the present it is insignificant. So, with that in mind, I will tell you how I got here and where I will go after I leave this place.

When I was born, as I mentioned earlier, I was a baby. It tends to be that people are born as little versions of themselves and then the grow up to be regular sized versions and then shrink again until they die, if they live long enough to get that far on the eternal timeline. I was born at the very end of that timeline, the far left end where time went from a dot to a line, grew up itself from one dimension into two. I grew up with it and as it got bigger and longer I got older and more experienced. At the beginning I flew through the cosmos, trying to find a nice place to settle down and live out my life. I didn’t find one, but I did end up here on Earth. There was still a lot of lava and shit back then, not much in the way of water or life or HD TVs. It was kind of boring, but only in retrospect, as there was nothing to compare the experience to. Lava is pretty slow unless it is erupting from a volcano and we all know how often that happens. The next day there were dinosaurs and they were fun to watch. They ate each other and plants and were pretty big. Some of them swam in the ocean which appeared overnight and some of them flew in the air. I went to sleep again and they were all gone. There were a bunch of little mammals in their place and they were cute to watch. They grew almost instantly into apes and those grew again into people. Or the people and all the other animals that walked the earth at that time were just poofed there; I can’t recall which way it happened. It doesn’t matter either, they were there and they began to make towns and cities and the next day they were flying in the sky and later that day they were flying to the moon and beyond. It was like the best season of 24 ever. And now we’re here, twenty somethings later and I am writing this sentence. Next I will write the next one and then the one after that. After I’m done I’ll print it out and hand it into you, the teacher, and then you’ll read it but I’ll have forgotten about it by then. Monday you might read it out loud or you might just hand it to me with a little note on the bottom of the page that says “fun read” or “interesting” or “what a load of bullshit”. After that I’ll graduate and become a famous author or screenwriter or I’ll die in a horrible clown-car vs. hot-air-balloon crash and I might be famous from that, too. Even more likely than any of those things happening, though, is that I’ll find a person to spend the rest of my life with and we will have kids and live happily ever after, but without all of the famous stuff. Or I might never work up the courage to ask somebody I like to go out and I’ll die at home when I’m 80 with my cats and they will eat my dead body like that one time on CSI or Law and Order: Super Awesome Unit. But when that happens it will be the present for a second, and it won’t matter until it turns from the future to the past.