Category: rules

I don’t really like this song, but it works well as a title for this post.

Today I had an excellent conversation. It was me and John and Kathy and we were talking about things I love to talk about (the power of literature and an intelligent discussion of religion) in a really cool way. It was purely intellectual and that is something I don’t experience often. But this isn’t about that.

Ever since I have known John I knew he didn’t have the same interests as I did. Nothing is more different about us than what pop-art we appreciate most. He is a music man and I am at my best watching a great movie. I always got the impression that he didn’t take my interest in film as seriously as I took his appreciation for music. If we disagreed on who we though was a good band or what kind of music we listened to, I always felt like I deferred to him because it was his thing. I didn’t feel the reciprocation, though, and that kinda sucked. Whenever I would try to talk about movies he would groan and roll his eyes. Tonight I confronted him about it and he said that he would groan because I said he should see Tropic Thunder and other such films and then he did and he hated them. After I explained how instead of saying he should see these films I was only trying to convey how I felt watching them (AKA I laughed a lot), he began to see that I wasn’t quite getting the respect for my chosen art that I felt I deserved. He vowed to try to understand that I was coming from the same place he was coming from but in a different mode of transportation. Then we both cut our thumbs and we signed our names in our own blood. It was great.

So, in conclusion, Tropic Thunder is a movie that everybody will love and enjoy 100%.


You are never (as in never ever ever ever) the only one. Never. Ever. You can stop writing “Am I the only one who thinks…” because you aren’t. There are millions of kajillions of people on the internet and I am sure that unless you don’t exist somebody else on it shares your sentiment. I would also ask you to remove “I’m sorry but…” from your sentence beginning repertoire. Don’t say it if you’re gonna be sorry about it before you even begin. That is all! Until next time!

Your TV at home is not as good as a cinema screen. It isn’t. No matter how big it is it isn’t a multi-story screen. And no matter how good your sound system is it isn’t as good as the sound systems in the theater. Yes, it may be more convenient and pleasant sometimes to watch a movie in your house rather than go to a theater but you have to admit that it is no comparison. A filmmaker intends for his or her movies to be seen in a certain way and, like it or not, they usually know best. You can’t say you saw a picture of the Mona Lisa or Saturn Devouring His Son on the internet and say you saw what the artist intended. You can get a feeling, an impression, but nothing compares to the real deal. Yes, movies are for entertainment but they are also an art form and it is important to recognize this. So, when you feel like boasting about your great home setup, just stop and remember that you are an idiot and go out to your local cinema to support the arts.

I can’t go a day without hearing somebody prefacing a sentence with “I’m not gonna lie…”. In short, I hate this.

In long, I don’t expect you to lie a lot. I don’t even expect you to lie a little. You don’t have to say “I’m not gonna lie…” before everything you say. If you don’t know somebody who says this 1. you’re lucky and 2. here are some examples.

I’m not gonna lie… I love these shoes.

I’m not gonna lie… I really want to see that.

I’m not gonna lie… I am ambivalent towards the Darfur situation.

I’m not gonna lie… that Rebeka is a bitch.

Now that last one might warrant an “INGL”, but when you use it in front of every opinion it starts to lose it’s meaning. Where did this phrase come from you may ask? Good question. Let me know when you find out. And look up when “throw ____ under the bus” gained popularity. Who is committing the mass hit-and-runs?

Anyways, I have another question for you. How often do you expect to be lied to? Why does everybody have to make sure the person they are talking to knows that they aren’t lying? Have we become so fraudulent that we must insist that our co-conversationalists understand that we are being honest? The answer, it seems, is yes.

So I am hereby instituting a new rule for myself. Feel free to adopt it and help rid the world of “INGL”. From now on, if somebody says “INGL” to me twice in one conversation I will assume that the rest of what they say is a lie. Furthermore, I will lie throughout the conversation and not tell a single truth. So be prepared.