Category: burn


  • Morgan Freeman introducing Kenny Chesney is perhaps one of the most incongruous things I have ever seen. Also, Morgan Freeman steels his fashion tips from Kanye West.
  • Everybody but Craig Ferguson is horribly unfunny when presenting awards, especially when they are supposed to be funny
  • Three people in the audience knew what Led Zeppelin was.
  • If they play Watchmen at regular speed it will last for about an hour and will be half as “visionary”.
  • The RAP PACK! Get it! If you don’t get it, it’ll be in black and white to give you the full effect. But it’ll just be desaturated instead of optimized to, you know, look good.
  • Although I enjoy MIA’s Paper Planes, “no one on the corner has swagger like us” gets pretty inane when repeated over and over and over again.
  • MIA is an upsidedown lady bug or something.
  • The Grammy people feel the need to offset the awesome created by the likes of Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney by teaming them up with The Jonas Brothers and Dave Grohl.
  • Not only is Dave Grohl on the same stage as McCartney, he is taking Ringo’s place (who is still alive, by the way).
  • The Grammy people also seem to know that I am only watching for Radiohead.
  • Shiny suits of all colors are, apparently, cool.
  • I automagically tune out all country music.
  • Thom Yorke can’t not dance funny when he sings. He’s almost as bad as John Mayer’s sing-y face. Despite, or perhaps because of, this, Radiohead’s performance was freaking awesome.
  • The Grammy people know I will keep watching for Neil Diamond.
  • SAM JACKSON!
  • I feel like I could enjoy T.I. if he didn’t have that stupid hat on.
  • Obama has more Grammys than Kanye. Or something like that.
  • The words “Yes we can” said by a rich white guy is… kinda funny.
  • Smokey Robinson is still alive.
  • I generally like the songs in the commercials better than those performed in the actual show.
  • Josh Grobin: The Most Boring Man in Music.
  • Neil Diamond is still alive. And still kind of awesome.
  • Why isn’t T.I. performing with The Diamondator? He performed with everybody else.
  • Paul McCartney upstaged Diamond from his seat.
  • Bo Diddly is a great song no matter who plays it. Also, a great dude.
  • Gary Senise is a strange strange man to be on the Grammys.
  • Especially strange to be introducing Lil Wayne.
  • Those girls during the New Orleans thing are gonna have a lot of bad luck.
  • will.i.am and T-Pain. I love people with punctuation in their names. Even more-so when they have awesome hats.
  • Lil Wayne seems to be an amalgamation of a bunch of young and old people. Interesting.
  • This Bob Dylan/will.i.am commercial really ticks me off.
  • More Zooey D., please. Pretty please. Pretty pretty please.
  • Radiohead can’t catch a break. But at least Robert Plant won the big thing.
  • New Theory: if Radiohead wants a Grammy, they need to get old. Quick.
  • You can’t play out Robert Plant. It’s kind of stupid.
  • Woo. More Stevie Wonder. Hopefully he can get away without geting bombarded by Jonases again.
  • Playing commercials over Stevie Wonder seems kind of screwed up. Like playing out Robert Plant.

So, that’s all. Hope you enjoyed. I’ll update this more often now that I’m settled into a routine at school.

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Here comes another one of those awkward personal posts.

When I was in 8th grade, I had a girlfriend. Well, kinda. The story goes like this. It was Valentines Day and they (the nebulous “they”) were selling roses for a dollar. This one girl I had a crush on, we’ll call her SB cuz I forgot how to spell her name, wanted a rose. I said I would give one to her, but I didn’t have any money. So I borrowed a buck from a kid I didn’t like, his name was Mike, and bought SB a rose. Then she hugged me and that was it. Or so I thought. I guess she got my home fone number cuz she called me when I got home. She called to ask if I wanted to go to the dance that night. Unfortunately I was an awkward 12 year old and I panicked. I told her I couldn’t go because of a “family thing”. Here’s a hint, I never have a “family thing”. Needless to say… well, I’m not gonna say it. Just guess how she reacted.

So the next day she ignored me even though we had several classes together. Then when I got home she called again. I’ll transcribe the version of the call that I remember:

Me: Hello.

Her: Hi.

Me: What’s up?

Her: I have something to tell you. But I can’t tell you. Here is some other guy.

Him: Hi. You Alex?

Me: Uh, yeah.

Him: Well, I’m going out with SB now. She said thanks for the rose though.

Me: Oh.

Him: Ok. Have a good day.

Me: You too.

I actually said “You too.” What a lame-o. Of course a second after he hung up I thought of the perfect comeback. Try this one out:

Him: Well, I’m going out with SB now. She said thanks for the rose though.

Me: Good thing I didn’t waste a dollar on her. How much did it cost you to date her?

BURN!

Man, that would have been great. But I was young and stupid. Now I’m old and slightly less stupid. Unfortunately that was my last girlfriend. It’s strange how such a non-event can change everything. Just think, if I didn’t go out with her I would be married to Jennifer Garner right now.

Next time on awkward personal post… Prom!